Thursday, December 15, 2016

Living With The Unresolved



One thing I'm learning as I get older is that poise, grace, and acceptance are choices even when things don't go my way. I'm a confessed control freak. I want people to behave as I wish. I want circumstances to turn out according to my plans. And yes, sometimes when I pray I have to resist the urge to outline for God a suggestion of how He could go about answering my prayers as if He, the creator of the universe, needs my advice.

The truth is, life sometimes doesn't cooperate with me. People have free wills that don't always coincide with mine. Stuff happens on a daily basis that wasn't on my well planned to-do list. Sometimes God doesn't seem to cooperate either, at least from my limited human viewpoint that only sees a tiny glimpse of the bigger picture that He sees. In that case I've learned that whatever happens is always for the better in the end and I'll get there quicker if I don't resist His plan so much.

But sometimes things happen, especially in relationships, that cause pain and are never resolved. It comes in many forms whether it be as abuse from someone who won't acknowledge they've done anything wrong, being falsely accused of something and not being given the chance to defend oneself, having needed counsel rejected, or even from being treated rudely by another driver whom we will never see again to point out that it was she, not we, who didn't obey the traffic signal.

Many things in life don't fit neatly on a checked-off list. The best I can do at times is to fence in the unresolved so it doesn't migrate and take over other parts of my life. Letting go isn't easy and some things will never completely go away but I can say to myself "I've done all I can with this" and leave it in God's hands. It is never an easy thing to do but it is possible. It's called the Graceful Exit and it begins with recognizing when something is over and being willing to let it go even if my side is never heard.

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